I'll do it tomorrow...

I have become, or should I say "I AM" (not referencing God, just caps), the bad catholic that comes to confession on a daily basis to confess the same "little" sin. 

I need to start to change today, because tomorrow will NEVER come.

And I will never say enough "hail marys" or "our fathers" to make something happen. They are just meaningless words. Change is what makes the difference. A 180 degree turn. 

What I want.

I want the blood running through my veins, not to be a preservative, but to be a violent powerful force beneath my skin.

I'm nowhere and you're everything...

Lately I haven't been able to write anything. I have a book, an entire book, of ideas. Every time I sit down to write one of these things from the book, I just realize I am not equipped to write them. I am not saying I suck at writing, but everything I try to write speaks of something I know nothing about.

 Usually when I write, I write about someone else's experience, but I have still experienced something similar, something I can familiarize myself with. I think many writers are totally capable of writing about things they have never experienced, but for some reason, I can't. 

I was listening to a song by Chris Thile, called "I'm nowhere and you're everything." Chris has one line that juts out at me when I listen to this song, "I tried to write this song before but had no one to write it for." This line reminds me of the feeling I have when an idea doesn't click. It's like all of these ideas are just premature, no lungs to breathe, haven't developed fully. Once it has time to mature more, inside of me, eventually it's time will come... and it will scream.

I do miss writing though. The pages of my journal beg for me to wet them with ink...

Hopefully all of ideas will mature soon, but until then, I will be patient.

Maybe spend the time learning how to write, ha ha.

 

When people sneeze...

It makes me feel like the Pope.

Bless you,
and you,
and you,
and you.

United State of Fear.

"It turns out you can't actually make yourself believe something if the doubts seem more likely."

Fear is everywhere in our lives. Or maybe not fear, but the creation of fear about the unknown. We are raised to fear the unknown. It is an effective tool to keep us away from questions or opposing knowledge. But it isn't just fear. For fear, by itself, is an ineffective tool.

The fear factor is used in many different areas of life. And an evolution that has come about in this process is the recognition of the nature of humans, curiosity. So instead of the old, "don't ask," mentality, it is now, "make sure you ask the right questions of the right people."
This makes us afraid to ask "stupid" questions and causes us to seek out the answers to our questions from people who are a part of this system.

The people who have this system figured out right now are the people of the Republican party. Don't get me wrong, a lot of the time they have the best interests of their people in mind, but, I think what began as a system of protection has turned into fear and ignorance. They make it seem as if everyone is against them and that everyone else is spreading lies. It creates a fear to question, but also it creates a team loyalty and purpose that, normally, is difficult to generate. When you feel that your "team" is being attacked, the normal reaction is defensiveness and protection. So by creating the feeling that your team always needs to be on defense creates the fighting for a cause mentality.

Let's pick up and fight on our own terms, not somebody else's.

The efforts weren't worth the time...

It sucks to realize that all the effort you put into the house you were building with someone was worthless, and that when they said, "change the paint, the paint is no good." They really were devising to leave, to leave you behind and take all of the effing furntiure.

Where would people never notice a town full of robots?

So I watched that movie "The Stepford Wives" with Nicole Kidman tonight, for the second time. I didn't really like it the first time I watched it, but this time I did. I had a conversation about marriage and relationships today with a friend and the movie totally related to those ideas! 

For those of you who haven't seen the movie (assuming anyone is reading this!) it is basically about husbands who feel trampled on by their overachieving wives and decide to therefore turn them into robotic slave companions. 

What really hit me the hardest was the "majority rule" that was being perpetuated throughout the movie. As new couples would enter the community the husbands would begin to reject the individuality and creativity of their partners based on what the norm was. They were being spoon fed the manly man's policy and were willing to sacrifice those dynamic difficult relationships with their spouses for easier ones. The reason I was so affected by it was that the majority isn't always headed in the right direction. I mean I knew this already, but it seemed so much clearer when I could visualize it. Sometimes I get wrapped up in the idea that 89.99% of all people can't be wrong... WHO KNOWS? Not only can I not trust those statistics, but have they tried every possible combo? There may not be a "right way" but assuming your idea is the best idea could be fatally stupid. I need to be open to new ideas, even if they defy what I consider to be human nature or even reasonable thought. I struggle with these issues. I want my "gut" feeling to be the right one, the one I can trust, but, even my gut can be influenced by culture and groupthink. Not saying that I can't usually trust my gut, but if someone provides a valid and well thought out argument I can't just ignore it because of a gut feeling, I need to educate myself.

It makes me wonder what oppressions I am overlooking. Once I begin to recognize that the Hijab on my head is cultural and not "human nature" it begins to open up my eyes to a reality beyond what's in front of me. I used to think that Feminism was a response to Chauvinism, but I think that is only when unchecked. There are clear level headed arguments that can be made and are worth a second look. 

I will probably realize I have more to say and or think about on this topic, but for now I bid you adieu!